The crisp leaves continue to crackle beneath my heavy feet as the sparks of vibrant orange and red dot along the streets. The only significant variation is the subtle glint of white frost that thinly ices the world. But as the seasons change, we mustn’t change with it; we must evolve.
November, I’m afraid I had to retrospect and ponder over my diary for a very long time to spark the memories that you held. You arrived and left far too quickly. The dim mornings and vaguely lit evenings blended and became one long stretch of a fast-paced dream. My mum, brother and I went out for an evening where I devoured in my first ever Nandos and cherished every bite. To top it off we went on a few fairground rides in the area and I spotted my mum truly laugh; something I hadn’t seen for a very long time. Thank you.
You paraded us in glorious celebration too. Seeing my brother turn nineteen showered me with joy but also shocked me with the realisation that we’re not just little children anymore expecting our parents to come to the rescue when we fall. We will never get these moments back and as terrifying as that sounds, it’s mind-blowingly beautiful. You have blessed my brother with some fantastic news November and I am grateful; I can’t think of anyone else who is more deserving.
However as all good things have to be balanced out with the bad, we received some tragic news. My uncle sadly passed away. I don’t want to talk about it too much but I know he’s in a better place now. Moments before he slipped from our clutches he told us that his father - who passed away many years ago - has come to take him. And in that moment, we all realised that he had seen a glimpse of the other side. This provoked many deep thoughts but also an odd sense of happiness.
Predominantly in the past few weeks I’ve been feeling very awkward in my own skin, an anxious outcast around others. It’s nothing serious because I’m a bit of a wallflower as it is but it does affect me. So I overcame it; I took it by the scruff of its neck and confronted it. I am awkward and timid and secretive and full of trust issues but that is who I am. I can speak my mind when I want to and I can stand my ground when I need to.
Let me share a story with you. The other day I wore my hair in two plaits, something I haven’t done since primary school. I’ll be honest, I was nervous. What would people think? But I plucked up the courage and did it anyway. And let me tell you, that day I felt so proud, content and even a little excited to wear this new hairstyle. It was nothing special, people probably didn’t even notice, but to me it was everything. Since that day I haven’t felt an ounce of anxiety run through me.
I realise how long this letter is becoming November and the last thing I want to do is bore you, but there’s a lot to get off my chest.
I’ve been ill. Headaches, a nuisance of a cold and the desperate need for sleep and cosy jumpers. I need to take care of my health. Life is too short.
On the 30th it will be my seventeenth birthday and quite honestly I’d forgotten about it. To put it in simple terms; I don’t want to grow up. The mere thought of it scares me.
You’ve been a reflective month November. There has been an abundance of highs and lows but a lesson all the same. See you next year.
You can find my 'Dear October' post here.